Pillar No 5 of the 12 Pillars of Leadership – Self Control, Lose It And You Lose All Control

One of the most important pillars for solid leadership is self control. I am sure that you have heard the quote:

“Your actions speak so loud, I can’t hear what you are saying.”

(If you know who said this, please let me know).

The simple fact is that is in order to gain the respect and HEART co-operation of your team, you will need to live a life that has a huge measure of self-discipline and self-control.

There is so much that we could explore on this subject, but let’s keep it in a simple bit sized portion for today. There will very likely be more discussed about this very important area at a future date.

One huge benefit of learning to exercise self-control in your “private life”. Self control gives you authenticity as a leader. Integrity is a part of this also.

Here is a great definition of integrity for you to consider:

Integrity is being and doing the same things when no one is watching as you would when the whole world is watching.

The areas you have under control in your private life, will be easy to keep under control while in public.

In other words, what you do when no one is watching (or when you think no one is watching) is the real you. This is the “you” that people will either follow or not (and we are talking about eagerly following from the heart).

An aside note: Parents are leaders. This means that whatever you expect of your children, YOU also expect of yourself (and DO it).

What you do when your children are not watching WILL affect their respect for you. (For example, if you chastise them for talking bad about others and then in private YOU criticize others – in word OR thought, you have just lost your authority with your children).

Here is a reality to consider:
Whatever pressures you face when you are “insignificant” will be greatly multiplied when you come to be in the “public eye”. That is just the way it is.

This means, that whatever habit or area of your life you are unable to control when you are “unknown”, will destroy you when you rise to a level of success and fame. That is IF you do not take the time and effort to control this area NOW.

When I use the word “fame” this does not mean that the whole world may come to know you. But YOUR world will come to know you in your position as a leader. That is important.

Top three daily exercises that will get you started on the road to self control which will allow you to lead with confidence and authority.

These exercises need to be maintained as a
TOP PRIORITY in your daily schedule.

1. Read from a non-fiction motivational book for 30 minutes a day.
It would be a good idea to use this 30 minutes to read the Bible (for 15 minutes – perhaps a Psalm, Proverb or a chapter from one of the four gospels), plus a chapter of a good challenging motivational or inspirational book.

2. Take at least 15-30 minutes to listen to a good motivational audio or video. You can find many videos from Jim Rohn, Tony Robbins, George Zalucki and many others on YouTube. You can also download some excellent free audios and videos from John Di Lemme here.

3. Make a decision to AVOID ALL negative, demoralizing and violent TV programs and movies that scoff and jeer at those who seek to live a wholesome positive life.

This may mean that close to 90% of what you have been watching will need to be canceled from your daily agenda. Or just leave it off completely and use the time to watch some great motivational videos from what you have downloaded.

But understand this: what you feed your mind with, becomes a part of you.

Your daily focus, thoughts and habits become your actions!

These three things will get you started on the road to living a positive wholesome life worthy of being followed.

I am sure that you have some suggestions and experiences too. Please share them below in the comment section.

Photo Credits: Rebootyourcomputer’s on Flickr

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Pillar No 4 of the 12 Pillars of Leadership – Humility Strengthens Leadership

This may seem to be a paradox, but it is true that people will respect and follow a humble leadership long before they will respect a proud one.

Notice, I left out the word “follow” in the comparison above. Why?

Many folk may “follow” a proud leader out of necessity because the “leader” happens to be placed in charge of the group or activity they are a part of. BUT ..

Proud leaders will not have the loyalty and
respect (heart following) that humble leaders have.

Let’s consider some comparisons between a proud person and a humble person.

A proud person tends to be less compassionate.

A humble person tends to be more sensitive to the feelings of others.

Lack of compassion is of course a lack of love (which we considered in the last article). Remember, we are all human. There are times when we all need a little special encouragement, or perhaps we are going through an especially difficult time in life.

When you are facing difficult moments, do you REALLY respect a “leader” who is totally insensitive to where you are at?

A proud person is usually more difficult to approach.

A humble person is more “personable” and easier to approach.

Which of these two do you tend to respect more? If you are in leadership, do you notice that your “followers” find it easy to come to you with any comments, suggestions or problems? Or do you notice that they tend to be rather aloof?

A proud person is usually focused on being the very best, at the cost of those around them.

A humble person is not threatened if their “followers” are more successful, or better at a task than they are.

This is often a tough one for leaders. Are you threatened by the success of your followers? What if they are enjoying MORE success than you are?

One of the things that I admired and respected about the pastor who sent me out to the mission field.

He was able to rejoice when those he was training actually rose to greater heights than he perhaps ever would.

Just yesterday I was speaking to a friend who is a pastor in Mexico. This young man (who is like a son to me) is experiencing some amazing victories, triumphs and miracles in provision at this moment. So much is happening all at once that he and his group are on “cloud nine”!

One of his leaders (whom he trained and released to begin a church in a nearby village) made the following comment:

“It is because you were never envious of us that now you are experiencing these miracles. “

This comment was made because this young man’s church is growing twice as fast as the “main” church. He has a better car than his leader, a better home etc. Yet John was always able to rejoice with his “disciples” in the blessings that were going their way.

Now it is John’s turn – and all I can say is WOW.

Can you train your followers to be better than you? It takes true humility to do that.

It is SO much easier to follow a leader who is humble, approachable, open to ideas even correction.

Don’t ever forget it is:

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Pillar No 3 of the 12 Pillars of Leadership – Genuine Love For Your Team Members

Of all of the great foundations, corporations and organizations that have been built over the years by diverse leaders, only One Leader founded His empire on love. To this day millions of people would gladly die for their leader – Jesus Christ.

There is a very well known chapter in the Bible that outlines 14 foundational qualities of love, and concludes with these simple words - love never fails. This is found in 1 Corinthians 13, in the New Testament of the Bible.

One of the great dangers of leadership is the power that the leader finds in his or her hands. The balancing factor to this danger, is love.

A leader who is focused on making a genuine difference in the lives of his or her team, because they love their team will stand out from a “leader” who is driven and motivated by power.

Real leadership does not exist where there is no genuine love.

What is love?
Love is not an emotional act but rather a choice. Such qualities as consideration, caring and kindness are some of the characteristics of genuine love.

The well known quote: “Do unto others as you would have them do to you,” goes a long way when leading a team. If you treat your members with respect and consideration, you will have little trouble receiving the same treatment from them.

If you find difficulties in getting cooperation from your team members, a good question to ask yourself is – “Do I really care about them”.

Remember, love never fails.

Genuine love is unconditional. One of the greatest causes of insecurity in adults today is that the love they received as children was conditional. A brother or a sister brought home straight As in school, and they were treated differently than the rest of the siblings.

Statistics show a major reason for teenage suicides is that they cannot live up to the expectations of their parents, guardians or a respected adult in their lives. They don’t feel good enough to be loved.

Love is a choice.
It may not always be easy to love everybody, but we CAN decide to love, and then learn how to love and appreciate each member of our team. How?

1. It will take effort.
The very choice itself means you have decided to make the effort required. It probably will take some work. It is not always easy to love.

2. Learn to listen.
You cannot understand and appreciate anyone you don’t listen to. The very act of listening to a person shows you genuinely care. As you learn to listen, you will likely discover hidden qualities as well as reason for an problems you may notice.

3. Have no favorites.
One of the biggest traps in trying to lead any team or group is to show favoritism. The reality is that some people are easier to love and to get along with than others.

However no leader can afford to shower extra attention and privileges on one or two members of their group. This is one of the quickest ways to lose the respect, loyalty and cooperation of the rest of the team.

One of the costs of leadership is that you cannot befriend your team members in the same way you would your peers.

The rewards of your efforts:
When you genuinely care for each member of your team it will be easier to receive their:

• Respect
• Cooperation and
• Loyalty

Why? Because they will respond by loving you back.

Remember – love never fails.

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Pillar No 2 of the 12 Pillars of Leadership – Clear, Well Defined Goals

Your vision will become your mission once you have broken it down into “bite sized” pieces that you and your team can put into action. These pieces are your goals.

You will have long term goals (which is the bigger picture) and short term goals (where you want to go this week, this month and this year).

The long term goals are for YOUR files, and the short term goals are what you can share with your team. Of course you can also share a summary of your vision with them also.

When you set goals, that are in accordance with your vision:

• You create a clear path that leads to the fulfillment of the vision. Now the vision becomes a mission.
• You will have something more tangible that you can break into sets of short term goals to share with your team.

Remember: Leaders are visionaries.

They can see usually see further ahead than their team and they can see things in their “mind’s eye”.

Sometimes what you as a leader can see is not easy to describe. A set of goals that will lead to the accomplishment of the vision create a path that your team can see, understand and follow.

Here are some tips to keep in mind as you are writing out your short term goals (for your team):

They need to be clear, defined and specific.

• Write out your goals.
• Walk away and focus your mind on something totally different.
• Come back and immediately sit down and read over what you have written (without refocusing on your vision).

• Do you understand them at first glance?
• Are they clear and defined?
• Are they specific?
• Supposing you did not see your vision clearly could you follow the goals and reach your target?

Some of these tests will help you to make sure you have written out a concise set of instructions that your team can understand and follow.

They will be realistic:
The short term goals that you will share with your team will be realistic enough for them to believe they can achieve them – yet challenging enough for them to stay motivated.

They will be attainable:
It is also very important that they are attainable. There is nothing more discouraging than to work for a long period of time without actually being able to see you have achieved something.

Your team members need to see results at frequent intervals.

Make sure that each set of short term goals is attainable within a reasonable amount of time. This will keep your team motivated and with you as you work with them towards the fulfillment of your goals.

And always remember:

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We have been discussing the concept that true leadership begins with a vision.

A Great Way To Crystallize Your Vision
One great way to clarify and sharpen the vision in your heart and mind is to take some time alone to think, meditate and write down your thoughts. It does not matter if what you are writing down makes sense. You can go back and edit and organize your thoughts later.

The key is that writing out the vision will clarify your thoughts and allow you to put them in order and discover the vision that is in your heart. This will also keep your vision sharp.

There is a very interesting command found in the book of Habakkuk in the Bible.
Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that reads it. Habakkuk 2:2

Example of Cecil Day of Day’s Inn
If you have traveled at all in the USA, especially by road it is possible you have spent some nights in Day’s Inn. I was very fascinated to read some facts about Cecil Day who founded this chain of motels.

One outstanding fact is that they constructed 40,000 rooms in just 4 years. There has not been a company that has done this since (or before) the appearance of Day’s Inn.

Time Alone.
Cecil had the vision AND he put this vision into a set of goals. (We will discuss more about goals in the next article). He habitually used to retire to his little house at the beach in Georgia to take some time alone. During this time he would walk along the beach thinking and praying.

This time alone would revitalize him as well as giving him a new perspective outside of the influence of the tensions and demands of the office. It was during these times that his vision for the chain of hotels was maintained.

Always have a pen that writes (or a pencil) and notebook nearby.
Ideas and pieces of your vision can come to you when you least expect it. Always be ready to write down any inspiration or idea that comes to you.

Cecil Day was awoken at 2am and began to write. He wrote for 14 hours and at the end of this time he had the complete vision written out for the chain of hotels known as Day’s Inn. What he had written was way beyond what he knew himself to be capable of doing.

The vision will always be bigger than you and beyond your capabilities to fulfill.

But this is the real challenge of a leader with a vision. It takes faith to carry out a vision.

A true leader who has a real vision:

• Will believe in his vision. His faith will be contagious and others will follow.

A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He is inspired with the power and energy to get it done. Ralph Lauren

• Will be committed to his vision. Those who follow a leader will be inspired or discouraged by the example of their leader.

You choose the quality of your followers by your example.

• Will keep the vision alive. No one is going to follow a dead vision – at least not with a heart commitment. A true leader inspires a heart commitment from his followers.

• Will never give up.

  Remember Winston Churchill – We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

  Any leader who gives up with the pretext of “I guess this just was not to be” dishonors the vision and God Who gave it to him – the commitment needs to be complete for the vision to live.

• Will not be stopped by any difficulty or obstacle. You need to have a commitment that will include a determination to overcome all difficulties and eliminate all obstacles. Develop a mindset that always looks for solutions.

Warning:
If you have a vision you choose to ignore, your personal life will stagnate and you will likely end up with a critical spirit.

I am sure you have met folk like that – but it is not you right?

To summarize:

• The vision is clarified by spending time in solitude, thinking, meditating, praying and writing.
• Always carry a notebook. Write down everything that stands out to you during the day.
• Spend time every day reading good motivational and inspirational material that will keep you focused on your goals and your vision.
• Recommit yourself to your vision every morning – this commitment will help you avoid discouragement when things go wrong.

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Pillar No 1 of the 12 Pillars of Leadership – A Strong Vision.

The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can’t blow an uncertain trumpet Theodore M. Hesburgh.

Without a vision there can be no leadership. You would have nowhere to lead your followers if you do not have a specific destination. A true leader will always have a clear vision of where he is going

Where does a vision come from? There are several experiences in life that can trigger a vision:

You may see a need that really touches your heart so deeply you know that you HAVE to do something about it. If this is REALLY something that is to be a part of your life’s work, the desire to do something will grow to become a strong vision.

You may be attracted to an operation or a project that is already being worked on, but you see ways in which it could be improved. You may either decide to join the existing group that are working on the project or start something similiar that will have a slightly different focus and fulfill a different need in the public.

A strong vision will actually come from a seed that is in your heart from birth even though you may not be aware of it for years. Exposure to certain teachings, testimonials and needs will cause vision to grow and bring it alive so it becomes a strong vision and passion.

Whatever vision you find in your heart it will focus largely on making a difference in the lives of OTHERS.

Any self seeking “vision” is not a solid foundation for true leadership. With such a “vision” you may need the help of others to fulfill it. However unless your vision changes focus from yourself to others, any followers you may have will be left unfulfilled and frustrated and worse still even under your control.

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. ~Albert Einstein

So to summarize - a true vision worthy of leading a team to fulfill will:

• Be a desire to change something in society, or a community to make it better for others.
• Be a desire to bring reinforcement to a project already in operation but that needs more support.
• Be a desire to “fill in the gaps” in a project that is leaving a segment of society unreached.
• Be a passion that was sown in your heart from birth and developed over years of learning and life experiences.
• Not be self-seeking, but rather your primary focus will be on making a difference in the lives of others.

When a person gives himself to a vision he has taken the first step towards becoming a leader – without a vision anyone who tries to become a leader will only succeed in becoming an imitation. John Haggai Founder of the Institute Haggai For Advanced Leadership.

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While some folk may have stronger tendencies to lead that others, I strongly believe that true leaders are more made than born.

The key is that some have the courage to follow their life passion. This passion is what drives them to learn, to train and to become.

There are many people who have risen to become great leaders who were ridiculed when they were younger. In fact some of the greatest “failures” have become the greatest leaders.

For example:
Abraham Lincoln - was he an obvious candidate for the presidency? History informs us that he was the last person who should have ever come near the white house.

• He failed in business.
• He was defeated numerous times even when running for senator let alone president.
• But he would not give up. He knew what he was born to do. He was to be president and nothing stopped him.

Are you willing to become unstoppable in achieving your life’s passions?

Mary Martin – was told by her singing teacher that her voice had no quality and she would never make it in the musical industry.

But Mary did not listen to that! Singing was the passion of her life and so she exercised determination and discipline to learn the art.

The result of her efforts?
She became one of the outstanding singers of the USA in her time. She is most known for her appearances in Broadway, including taking the part of Maria in The Sound of Music. There she won the coveted “Tony Award”. She was honored by John Kennedy and appeared in Roger and Hammerstein’s “South Pacific” to name a few of her achievements.

John Di Lemme - was told by a professional speaker that he could never become a public speaker. He spoke too fast and has a New York accent.

John grew up a serious stutterer and according to the medical profession was not supposed to speak at all, let alone in public.

John, like Abraham and Mary, did not listen to the “experts” but rather followed his passion (his WHY) and today is one of the top motivational speakers of our time.

So what can you and I learn from these folks?

• All three showed great determination and discipline.
• None of the three were stopped by their critics.
• All three purposed in their hearts to be the best in their field and achieved it.
• None of them gave up!
• None were born with visible aptitudes of leadership
• All were made because of their great determination to follow the seed placed in their hearts.
• All three of these folks became strong leaders because of the influence of their example.

Are you following your true passion?

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One of the keys that stood out for me was Mike’s summary of the difference between “management” and “leadership”. He defines the old style of management as “command and control” while true leadership involves releasing and inspiring team members to be their best.

Teaching and training in seminars and meetings in Mexico exposed me to a variety of people’s concepts of leadership as I worked alongside of other leaders. I observed much, experienced much and of course made many mistakes myself. All of these experiences have contributed to my passion to lead and train others to be the best they can be. (This is a great part of my WHY).

The central purpose of this blog is to help you develop the champion in you AND your team. With that in mind, I have been planning a series on leadership for several weeks now and I really invite your participation.

Team work is what true Leadership is all about.

One of the studies I will be sharing is called “The 12 Principles Of Leadership” which was the foundation of what I taught in Mexico. We will also be exploring subjects such as “Jesus The Leader” and perhaps doing some profiles on other great leaders of our world, both past and present.

Leader or Dictator? Top Three Contrasts:

• True leaders know how to release – dictators control.
• True leaders are more interested in bringing out the best from their team members – dictators are only interested in what their team can do for their “image”.
• True leaders seek to add value to their team member’s lives – dictators are only interested in giving to their team so that they can get something back.

This list of contrasts between a true leader and a dictator is a lot longer than that. I started the ball rolling. I know that you can add to this list.

I am waiting to hear from you below and make sure you subscribe to this blog so you can keep up with this series. You can subscribe via RSS or Email right here.

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However in actual fact there are two main definitions of the word “ambition”.

One definition does describe the power hungry individual we tend to visualize when we hear the word.

Aspire to fulfill your dreams:
The second definition is one that should describe you and me. This describes a person who has aspirations to fulfill their dreams. I am sure that this would describe you right? I certainly hope that you are pursing your life dreams.

This is what the book Activating Your Ambition is about. In fact the tag line of the book is what caught my attention when I first saw it in the store. It says: A guide to coaching the best out of yourself and others.

This is a goal of every true leader. To learn to bring out the best in him or herself and others.

A true leader motivates and coaches the best of out their team.

Mike Hawkins will inspire you to change, motivate you to climb higher and challenge you to bring out the best in your team.

This is a “must read” book for all who aspire to leadership or who are already fulfilling this important role in life. I am enjoying it very much. I am busy making notes as I read.

We all have a team:
Remember, your team does not have to be a sports team, a sales team or any business team. It may simply be your team at home (your family). This book will still provide motivation and practical tips that will show you how you can change your life and the life of those around you.

You can order this book right now by clicking here: Activating Your Ambition: A Guide to Coaching the Best Out of Yourself and Others

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